Let's talk: Narcissistic single mother and only child
When I initially went NC with my mum almost three years ago somebody mentioned how she had narcissistic tendencies. I had never heard of the term narcissistic personality disorder before and throughout my time researching it something felt a little off and didn't sit quite right with me. I didn't seem to fit in with typical narcissistic parent/child relationship stereotypes. The fact that my mother occasionally praised me rather than using me as a scapegoat at times made me question my suspicions that she is a narcissist. At times these compliments were about innate qualities such as my intelligence, there were a few occasions that she'd compliment me on something I'd actually accomplished. It didn't happen often, but it did happen. something that a malignant narcissist could never do is genuinely praise their child.
upon further research, I came across an interesting article that made it crystal clear why my situation was somewhat different. I am an only child, I have half siblings on my dad's side but my mother's side I'm the only one. I found being an only child I was under so much pressure to be all things for my single narcissistic mother. Don't get me wrong there are perks of being an only child, you don't have anybody to compete against, but without anybody around for temporary relief, my narcissistic single mother forced me to wear many hats.
Roles such as the golden child, scapegoat, mascot and even best friend with somedays all roles demanded in a single day depending on her mood. This was extremely tough especially having nobody to relate to or confide in. And the times I did speak out about our relationship I was met with either doubt or told to accept it because she is my mother, and what do I expect them to do about it.
There were times when she was single that I felt cherished but as soon as a new partner came along I was pushed aside and abandoned emotionally. Now I understand during those times I was her main narcissistic supply until something new came along. She has no shame or conscious which I assume made it very easy for her to partake in a 20-year long affair with a married man, as an only child I had to listen to her problems, hear about her illness and intimate relationships.
Our relationship was tumultuous, to say the least.
It's the narcissist fear of being "outed" behind the reason why they target and bully the sensitive person amongst them. It's a shocking realisation but that is sometimes their child. I was and still am most convenient to her as a target of her rage. I genuinely believe her rage is used to keep me quiet or it was before I wrote this blog. She was terrified that one day I wouldn't accept her behaviour as normal and I would essentially be her undoing.
I am the adult daughter of a single narcissistic mother. I have known something was very wrong with our family situation for years but I could never figure it out. It wasn't until I met my partner and had my own children I pinpointed the difference in dynamics. After doing extensive research the reality of our relationship and my childhood was laid bare within those web pages.
If you found this post helpful please share and remember my emails are always open firstname.lastname@example.org. You may find writing down the negatives is helpful in recognising the things that are not part of a healthy, normal parent-child relationship.